Well, it’s not so dirty… Or is it? I don’t know. I just know I’ve been making such a big deal out of it in my head for most of my life… I was so ashamed of it that I didn’t dare to tell anyone about it. Unless I really really trusted them. And yes, I had a lot of trust issues as well.
It was such a big deal for me, that I could tell my boyfriend Jure for it only after 2 or 3 years of our relationship. And I told him other secrets of mine before this one. I don’t remember anymore what those other secrets were, but it was probably something with guys, haha, I’m not sure.
So, what is this thing?
Tu du du dum.
I have fungus on my toenails.
For most of my life already.
It’s been in the family.
I know it’s connected with some toxins in the body, something is not in the balance.
But I felt like a bad, dirty person, for having fungus.
Even though I have good body hygiene.
Quite good, I think.
I remember that every winter I decided I’m gonna sort this shit out before the summer, take care of those nails of mine, put things on them. But then I was always too lazy. Doing it for few days in a row and then I forgot about it.
When the time for sandals came, I made sure that I had nail polish on my toenails.
Or I wore sneakers. Which probably made the case worse.
If you believe in mind-body and emotions connection (I believe that whole body is a brain), you might find it interesting what Louise L. Hay has to say about fungus on feet (it’s also called athlete’s foot).
Athlete’s foot: Frustration at not being accepted. Inability to move forward with ease.
Affirmations: I love and approve of myself. I give permission myself to go ahead. It’s safe to move.
Well, considering the fact that I felt like an outsider for most of my life and my guilt issues around moving forward (I was afraid that if I move forward I’m gonna hurt people who choose to stay at the same place), this could hold water.
When I went firewalking few weeks ago, I decided to throw this into fire. The feelings of not being accepted. And fungus on my toes. After all, I cannot make everybody love me and accept me, but at least I can love and accept myself the way I am. And I can start improving things in my life from the place of love, because I wish myself good, instead of constantly improving myself because of feeling that something is wrong and dirty about me and trying to hide it.
The day after firewalking, I received gift voucher for pedicure from my cousin who has a cosmetic salon. “Shit,” a voice in my head said. I will have to share my dirty secret with another person? I decided to start taking care of this. I sanded fungus from my nails as much as possible and started putting garlic and coconut oil on them. I went to the town the same day with sandals. Without nail polish.
Surprise, no one run after me screaming to everybody that I have fungus and that I should be ashamed, ahaha.
I told my childhood best friend about it. She is still my friend, hehe.
Yesterday I told another person. He said I should bath my feet in salted water. And give nice attention to my nails.
Today I had a meeting about possible collaboration connected with food supplements. The ingredients are from herbs and seaweeds, something that I trust, but the business model is network marketing. Something I have been a little suspicious about. You know all of these people trying to get you into something through facebook messages? C’mon, don’t waste my time + eye roll. But I knew that person from before from a form of therapy I’ve been attending and I decided to give her a try. She actually contacted me few months ago, but my body reaction was “No.” Maybe because she is a really strong person and I was a bit afraid of her. Through past few months I realised that I am a pretty strong person too (coaching, EFT, observing life helped me with this). And when we were talking yesterday on facebook, my body was saying yes. I felt excited to meet her. So we met today.
And damn, she was convincing 😀 With all the great success stories and scientists behind it. Plus some form of feng shui called bazi which showed the things I noticed myself through being in tune with nature and myself. Quite interesting.
But. Of course. If I’m gonna go into something, I have to know myself that thing works.
So I decided to have a little experiment. I asked her what helps with fungus and she recommended that thing called LTE with Norwegian kelp which is some seaweed. And capsules are vegan, thank god, I hate when capsules are made of gelatin (I mean, people trying to sell things with b12 to vegans in gelatin capsules).
I have to admit that my blogger ego expected she is going to give me this capsules for free, haha. Well, I bought them. Which is a plus, so I can be honest. And make sure I actually take them, if I invested money already.
So, here is my plan of restoring my toenails back to health:
- I’m gonna take those capsules as prescribed, and of course, with respect I have for the things I put into my body (if you respect food, food respects you back I heard a wise man saying once to me when I noticed him talking to the food he was putting on his plate).
- I’m gonna continue putting garlic and coconut oil on my toenails.
- Maybe I’m gonna give my feet some salty bath. I’ll try my best.
- I’m gonna be more aware of how amazing my feet are for taking me wherever I want to go. And continue my practice of feeling myself in my whole body.
I’m gonna keep you posted.
One month should be enough, what you think?
Oh, also. I already eat quite healthy for mosts people’s standard. And I don’t have problem with weight or something. But I still smoke cigarettes (I quit two times this year already, haha), drink at least a cup of coffee every day, sometimes more and occasionally I drink alcohol. I walk every day for the pleasure of connecting with nature (and because of my dear dog, of course), however, I sometimes feel I should start running or something, to sweat a bit more.
In case you are interested in those supplements and cannot wait a month or so for me to finish the experiment, here is my affiliate link, which means I’m gonna get a percentage if you buy them through this link. But you can wait that I try them out first, of course. There are also products for weight-loss (I’m fine with my weight but maybe not everybody who reads this is) and diabetes and better sleep, but check it out yourself, I cannot talk from experience yet, so I won’t.
I bought this one with brown algae Norwegian kelp and I got six sample capsules of NRC – night recovery complex which consists of valerian, passion flower, ashwagandha and brown algae.
Ready to take my first dose before I go to bed.
Oh, yet another thing. I took pictures of my fungus toenails today, but I’m not completely ready to post them yet. If you really want to see them, send me the message (: They are not as scary as most of the things you see on the web.
Otherwise, 3ptice.etsy.com shop with my eco-friendly accessories works as usual.
Still feeling a little bit strange about posting this (perhaps because I’ve been hiding it for years), but I probably wouldn’t feel strange if I had migraine every day or something, so why should I worry, eh?
Did you ever feel ashamed of something and when you finally started talking about it realised it’s not even such a big deal?