Insight Tuesday: The Connection Between Attention and Shame

Published Categorized as Personal

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If you are in business, you know you have to get people’s attention if you want them to turn into your customers or clients. There’s many posts out there on how to get people’s attention in a good way, so I won’t focus on this today. I want to share with you my a-ha moment on why some people, including me, have problem with getting attention. I realised about half a year ago, that I really want people’s attention, I want them to see me, but when I get the attention I cannot really stand it, I will try my best to say what I have to say as short as I can and then hide somewhere. Even if is just in my mind. I usually don’t have these isuess when I’m around people that I feel relaxed with, but even then I’m the most comfortable when I speak to people 1:1. Yes, there comes time sometimes when I feel totally aligned with myself and I don’t mind being the center of the attention. But even then I will have some kind of vulnerability hangover the next day. Like I was too open, like I shared too much of my inner world with people. Want to read: "Brene Brown does an amazing job of explaining the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is the feeling "I did something bad." Shame is the feeling "I am bad." Guilt prompts us to make amends and healthy change. Shame pushes us into the dark where unworthiness grows. When we are in shame, we can't possibly be the light we are meant to be." Last week I wrote a post about some situation that’s going on in my life in an amazing group that I’m a part of on facebook. When I started getting people’s attention, I felt happy for their answers, insights, suggestions. I was very grateful. But at the same time I had this strange feeling. Like some kind of shame for putting myself out there and asking for attention and help. It wasn’t logical. My post sparked some conversation and was also helpful to other group members as well – no reason for shame. So why was I feeling it? I did a lot of EFT tapping afterwards on not feeling enough etc. and then it hit me out of blue, why I feel so shy, when I get the attention. Even when it’s a good kind of attention. When I was a kid, I was of course craving for attention as every kid (and grown up) does, but I often been ignored, not seen or told that I am annoying (maybe the memories will change when I clear this out, because I’m sure there were times when I was being seen and appreciated). I once asked my mum, why don’t she say nice things to me, when I do things right. She said that doing things right is a standard, it’s obvious. So, no attention for doing it right. So I usually got the attention when I did something wrong or didn’t do something I should and sometimes I was even told to feel ashamed of myself. Brene Brown-"Shame needs three things to grow exponentially in our lives: secrecy, silence and judgement" So, my little brain connected being a centre of attention with feeling shame! It seems like connection was strong enough, that I still feel shame when I get attention. This was a huge a-ha for me! It explains why I have trouble in my business, it’s because I’m afraid to put myself out there, because on the one hand, I want the attention, but I push it away with my other hand, because it’s too uncomfortable as it triggers a shame response that I have programmed in my mind. And feeling shame doesn’t fell good. It makes perfect sense to me! It also explains why so many people have a fear of public speaking, cameras, microfons and so on. Now, what are the solutions? Recognizing, the connection between attention and shame is the first part of a solution. Then we can help ourselves with some logical thinking. But sometimes emotions that come from our old wounds don’t understand our logic mind, so I encourage you to learn some technique that will help you get through emotional charge. My favourites are EFT and fasterEFT that both takes a lot from NLP. You can learn all of them for free via World Wide Web also known as internet (: So, what you think? Does info in this post resonates with you? Do you have something to add? Share it in the comments. Image  - Looking for Love #Quotes, Life Quotes, #Quote, and #Cute Quotes for Girl and Boy? Then Go visitvia pinterest


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  1. Zanimiva povezava! Jaz tudi ne maram biti v središču pozornosti večjega kroga ljudi, kar je povsem kontradiktorno s tem, kar počnem.. 😀 Mogoče imam pa tudi jaz kakšne destruktivne vzorce na tem področju – hvala, ker me s svojim odpiranjem znova spodbujaš, da se še bolj spoznam <3

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